Rock the Silver

Short, tight and see through

We lived in Egypt for two and a half years and had an absolutely fantastic time. Loved it. I was not expected to wear a veil or dress like traditional Muslim women, but the American Embassy encouraged Western women to show their respect for the local culture by dressing modestly. I complied. No shorts, no sleeveless tops, no mini skirts. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

Took a few days to vacation in Amsterdam on the way back to the States, and I was like, meow, baby, mama is back. On the streets, it was skin city, and it was a rush to suddenly feel so free. I recall sitting at an outdoor cafe, drinking cold beer on a hot day, my tanned bare legs crossed at the knee, tugging at my skirt to keep it from sliding up my butt as it will do when you sit around drinking beer all afternoon in a sweaty plastic chair. My long blonde hair blowing in the breeze. Oops. That’s the next table over. My cropped brown hair matted to my head. There, that’s better.  

My motto became short, tight and see through. It’s more of a catch phrase than anything else, because I certainly didn’t live up to it once we settled into our new life back in the U.S. Had to get a real job and did my best to blend in. But I hold dear the idea that nobody tells me what to wear. And how good it feels to be free. I have often caved to the pressure, and sometimes I have contributed to the problem by judging other women harshly, but the bottom line is wear what you want. Wear what you want.

I have become annoyed with all this talk about age-appropriate dressing. Can't wear this, too old for that. I call bullshit. I’ve used the term age appropriate in the past, but not anymore. In choosing what to wear, don’t ask yourself if it’s age appropriate. Ask yourself if it’s self-rewarding. Does it make you look good? Does it make you feel good? Show your spirit? Bring you joy? Is it an extension of your personality?  

Gray hair and the look you build around it can be whatever you want it to be. Fun and sexy. Understated and classy. Or frumpy, if that's who you think you are. Just don't squander it being someone else. This isn't about disappearing into the background. It's about validating who you have become and breaking the rules if the mood strikes you. 

The older I get, the more rules I want to break. I see pink tights in my future. I am certain they will bring me joy.

Nice eyelashes, Brooke!

I went for a walk today with my new iphone, so I had plenty of time to think random thoughts and take silly pictures. I left myself voice memos to remind me what I thought about. It all slips away so fast.

 

Mainly, I thought about celebrity endorsements. As in female celebrities of a certain age peddling drugs and other stuff that are supposed to make us look better and improve our lives. 

• Sally Field, Boniva

• Brooke Shields, Latisse

• Jamie Lee Curtis, Activia

• Wynonna Judd, alli

• Valerie Bertinelli, Jenny Craig

• Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Healthy Choice

Aside from the fact that Julia from Seinfeld is also an heiress who probably hasn't touched a frozen dinner in her life, and aside from the fact that Valerie was airbrushed for the famous bikini shot, and aside from the fact that ... oh, just forget it. The FDA is all over alli (reports of liver damage and a problem with anal leakage). Dannon just settled a class-action lawsuit that Activia and DanActive don’t necessarily improve your digestive system. But they could. I mean, it's theoretically possible.

I just turned 54, and I’m all for making the most of what I have, but I am beginning to think these companies and the people who represent them just want to make the most. 

The one that is bothering me lately is Latisse, which is for growing your eyelashes longer and thicker. Brooke Shields is their spokesperson, and I’m probably mistaken, but I don’t think there was anything wrong with her lashes to begin with.

I, on the other hand, have sparse lashes and was intrigued. But as they say, if it looks too good to be true it probably is. The FDA recently sent a warning letter to the company that makes Latisse. A small matter of misleading the public. Good news is the product works. Bad news is the product works and then some.

The company was upfront that it can make your eyelids darken temporarily and actually turn your blue eyes brown (and that is permanent). Luckily, I already have brown eyes, but you have to wonder about a product that messes with the pigment of your iris. They were less forthcoming that people using Latisse are at risk for contracting bacterial keratitis, which can be blinding. Oh, and there’s a weird thing about large quantities of unwanted hair growth if you accidentally put it on the wrong spots. Like we needed that!

Once again, a mid-life dilemma. Mascara or potential blindness? So many challenges to aging gracefully! 

 

Bad hair night

Bad hair days come and go but one bad hair night can break your heart. Let me explain.

I am frenetically searching for answers to life's essential style questions as my hair continues to grow out from the super short do I sported earlier this year. I have been aiming for a bob, but I’m at the bizarro stage right now. Not quite a bob, not quite Kyra Sedgwick. I can make it look presentable, but it's a lot of work and a lot of heat, and that can't be a good long-term strategy.

My hair is fine, slightly wavy and dry. The dry part? Just remember, estrogen is your friend. You will miss it when it's gone. So, I'm feeling kind of desperate, and I did some research on how to take care of my special hair. Sure enough, all signs say back away from the blow dryer. Letting fine wavy hair dry naturally overnight seems to be the best path for playing up the waves, keeping your hair healthy and not going to work with wet hair. I decided to try it last night, and these are the 10 easy steps I followed:

1. Shampoo hair and rinse with warm water 

2. Apply conditioner and comb in with wide-toothed comb

3. Wait, then rinse with warm water

4. Reapply conditioner, wait, then rinse with cool water

5. Gently pat hair to stop the dripping but do not wrap it in a towel

6. Add a dollop or two of mousse

7. Comb mousse through with wide-toothed comb

8. Scrunch it gently to encourage the waves

9. Do not touch it again until it is completely dry

10. Go to bed with damp hair

I felt like a child with a tooth under my pillow waiting for the Tooth Fairy. How exciting! I wonder what my hair will look like in the morning? Will I have soft, beautiful waves? Why, this could change my life! Skip the chic bob, I'm going for long natural wild lucious hair, and I’ll never use a blow dryer again. Everyone will be in awe of my shiny wavy silver mane.

This is what I woke up to. Some Tooth Fairy!

Guess I need a Plan B. They say the bob is nice.  

Feeling fierce or is it just the boots?

I was diagnosed with advanced stage cancer more than 10 years ago and went through six months of chemotherapy as part of my treatment. Lost the hair, and believe me, that was the least of my worries. I chose not to wear a wig because I thought, well, this is what cancer looks like. Get used to it. I’m nasty that way.

Wearing bandanas sometimes and going bare-headed others, I felt ass-kicking strong. I call it the warrior effect. Cancer and chemo was not going to take me down. At first I joked, when are they going to give me the real stuff? I felt that good. Later, sick and weakened after the side effects started piling up, I’d say, if I didn’t know better, I’d swear someone was trying to poison me.

I believe facing my situation boldly helped me survive. I grew from the experience and became a much less fearful person. These days, leggings scare me. Skinny jeans are a cause of concern. A couple of people I know at work give me bad dreams. But in so many other ways I am absolutely fearless about life. The boogie man already got me, so let’s just get on with the party.

Going gray was a next step in my journey. I felt the same way as I did about cancer – this is what middle age looks like. Get used to it. I always thought cancer patients would do better if they knew how many others were out there in the same boat. But you never really know. So many hide their condition. Same with aging. How many women would feel better about mid-life if they knew who was really gray? It looks to me like they are all wearing wigs.

Easing into this silver-headed lifestyle. Trying to find the right hairstyle, flattering clothes and all that. Getting braver all the time. Black trousers and cowboy boots, for God's sake. There's no stopping me. But it's not about the hair or the boots, it's more about facing whatever life throws your way with style and panache. The world would be a better place if more of us were comfortable in our skin. 

I interact with experienced professionals at work, and more than one or two are afraid to share their ideas, afraid of what the boss might think, afraid of failure and afraid to get outside their own little sphere of competence. Definitely not comfortable in their skins, and sometimes I feel positively fierce by comparison.

Then again, maybe it is just the boots.