Ladies who lunch

I was forced to go out on Black Friday to get my hair trimmed. Afterward, it was late in the afternoon and my hair looked great, so I thought, why not? I'll just pop over to the mall and see if they are giving anything away.

It's easiest to park by Neiman Marcus. Really. To get anywhere in the mall, you may as well cut straight through the store. And you may as well go up to the second level where the clothes are, because, well, Ann Taylor is on the same level when you leave Neiman's. Only makes sense.

I am somewhat embarrassed to admit I like Neiman's. Oppulant, over-the-top, expensive, but a smart shopper can snag a good deal from time to time. If I am wearing something new, my stylish young coworker will ask where I got it. From now on, I am just going to say T.J. Maxx. No questions asked. She is almost proud. I hate that eyebrow of hers when she thinks I've been to Neiman's. So harsh.

Speaking of harsh, what was it about Black Friday that brought out the tough little ladies who lunch? I am serious. Never before have I seen such an arsenal of scary old ladies at Neiman's. Actually, these women looked more like ladies who light up and drink martinis all afternoon. It was a study in abject denial.

These are very slender elderly women dressed to the nines with dyed red hair and makeup that must have been applied with a trowel. They definitely violated the 50 percent rule. No more than 50 percent of your body weight should be in makeup. They had that look of old smokeys who spent the 80s and 90s living on Virginia Slims, champagne and shrimp cocktail. 

I felt sorry for them. To me, they looked ridiculous. It's like, it's OK, honey. You can still look nice, but really, this is too much. Nobody's asking you to wear velour jogging suits, but tone down the makeup, lose the dye. Relax. It's going to be OK for you. The Republicans are staging a comeback. 

Didn't buy anything. Left thinking about what it means to age. Where is the line between never giving up and looking silly? I will not go gently into that good night, but I'm hoping that I will rage against the dying of a different sort of light.

You? Me? We are not the Neiman ladies. We will look old, too. But we will look cool, damn it. I have lots of future images of myself in my head. Lately, I've been liking the shriveled up desert lady with chunks of turquoise jewelry and wild silver hair. A good hiking staff, leather lace-up boots and a couple of cats. How about you?

Comments

[Judy]

YOu made me laugh out loud! Thanks.

[Peg]

I also like the Taos-meets-Goodwill desert lady image for me -- it would give me a chance to wear all of my mom's turquoise jewelry, for one thing. Mostly, though, I want to somehow remain recognizably and functionally myself, only older. I don't mind looking old as long as I look like *me* looking old, if you know what I mean.

[barbara]

You laid the bait.
Here's my first smoke signal from the outback.
Why not delight me and post an update of your newest haircut?
It's so amusing, never heard about that equation of 50 percent... Is that your invention?

[Donna Pekar]

Judy -- As always, great to hear from you. It really is too bad I don't live close enough for coffee. Never say never.

Peg -- OK, you win. Taos-meets-Goodwill is forever etched in my brain. Even my husband laughed out loud on that one.

Barbara -- a voice from the wilderness! I'm so happy you have internet access while you are away. I will post a picture of the hair very soon. I think I heard a comedian use that line about the 50% rule sometime back in the 70s. With inflation, it might be the 80% rule by now.