Rock the Silver

Forgetting my husband's birthday

 

Last year the scope of my job grew exponentially and by the time January rolled around, I was becoming increasingly swamped by boatloads of work. Around March, the person who knew and did everything retired, and then all of the sudden it was like musical chairs with people moving into new jobs, leaving old ones. When the music stopped, I was down one person on my direct team and down four people who work closely with us. All year we've been scrambling just to keep up with the crush and scrambling to get new people into these key positions.

That is why I forgot my husband's birthday. My brain was full. I honestly felt I had reached max capacity. Something had to drop off to make room for new stuff, and my husband lost the toss.

The good news is that he mentioned it to me earlier in the week, as in, Do you think you could make that really good chocolate cake for my birthday? I'm all casual, sure, honey, and I'm screaming inside.

BIRTHDAY?????????

I shopped online one morning but didn't buy anything and never made it to the mall even for a card. He looked sad on birthday morning, because he's still a kid who expects brightly wrapped loot on special occasions. His sister sent a cute card with a cat on the cover. You pull the tongue, and the cat sings Happy Birthday in this meowy voice you would give a cat if you could.

He walked around all day pulling the little tongue. Like, look, see what simple pleasures even a card can bring? He's 62.

I made the cake. We had a nice dinner. He said it was OK. But it wasn't.

It's not that I put work above all else. I'm a balanced person. Not a workaholic, but I am wired to do whatever it takes. In fact, I never understood why these Type A workaholics suddenly clear their calendar and stop everything for a child's birthday or an anniversary. I've never felt like one day makes up for all the other slights. Just be that person all the time.

Now I've gone through this, I see that it is hard to be that person all the time, and one day can cover a multitude of sins. Families are often the first to be sacrificed when you have a demanding job and the going gets tough, so you learn to celebrate the big ones in fashion. I get it now.

We're starting to fill out the team again. For the first time this week, I came up for air. I slept better and feel clear-headed. The boss always says we can do so much more than we think we can do, and he was right. But at a price. I'm glad I paid the price, because I learned a lot about my work and a lot about me.

I learned I don't want to be the person who forgets birthdays.

Style baggage and the new bare toes trend

I started swimming regularly about a month ago, and I've noticed toenail polish doesn't last anymore. I've decided to quit wasting money and skip the polish all together. At first, I was worried I would look less than groomed. But I like it! Even dressed up and wearing open-toe shoes, I like looking down and seeing a clean, pink, shiny toe.

Bare toes are the new trend, and the trend officially starts here. I bought a little teak stool that sits in the tub along with the appropriate pedicure accessories, and once a week I soak my feet for a bit, sand off the dead stuff, push back the cuticles, cut and file the nails and shine them up with a buffing block. Sometimes sisters just have to do it for themselves.

Who decided we had to paint them, anyway? Bare toes are much easier, and I think they look just as nice. If you've been painting them for awhile, it will take a little bit of time to lose the yellowing, but the reward is a pretty natural pink.

In our quest to look good, it seems like we get weighed down with style baggage over the years. I'm not a back-to-nature girl, but I do think you have to question some of your habits from time to time. Kind of like cleaning your closet. I know now that I don't need toenail polish to look stylish and groomed.

What else can go? What other style baggage can we leave at the station?

New-blue-shampoo-for-you

My sister-in-law has a short, sassy crop of bright silver hair. I was admiring the color when she was visiting in March, and she said, Here. Take this. 

It turns out she had a leaky travel bottle of a mystery blue shampoo. She couldn't remember the name of it, but she said to keep it, so I did.

I have tried several different blue shampoos, including Aveda's Blue Malva, and they are not created equal. I suppose it depends on your hair, your water -- who knows what else. All I can say is that this one really brightens up my silver and does not dry out my hair. SIL uses it every day without the dreaded blue effect, but my hair is too dry to wash it with anything that often. A couple of times a week is good for me. The travel bottle was almost empty when I finally called her and begged her to remember the name.

It turns out the product is called So Silver by Matrix Essentials (Solutionist). It's widely available. Click here to go to the Matrix site and search for locations. She bought hers at the JC Penney salon. I got mine at one of those little beauty product stores in the mall. The first store I stopped in didn't have it, and the guy tried to sell me a different brand. He said all blue shampoos are the same. I was like, Do you know who you're talking to? 

As always, I'm hesitant to recommend a product. Everybody's experience is unique. But if you haven't found a blue shampoo you like, I recommend you give this one a try.

The passing of a young ovarian cancer survivor

Sarah Sadtler Feather died last week. Sarah's blog The Carcinista was about her experience with ovarian cancer.

I didn't know her and had not been a reader for long. I think somebody commented on this blog, and I went to that blog, and I saw a link there that led me to The Carcinista. I'm an ovarian cancer survivor, so I hopped over there to see what she was all about.

It's just heartbreaking. I can't get her off of my mind. Sarah was a talented and entertaining writer who told it straight up. My favorite line was something she wrote after she decided to stop treatment. Her body was ravaged, and she was tired and done.

"So I’ll fight while the fighting is good. And then I’m going to have a chocolate milkshake and a really killer nap."

Sarah was also young, in her 30s, with a young family. In some ways, that makes it seem even more unfair, but I try not to differentiate between those who die young and those who die with more miles on the odometer. I mean, would you console a grieving family member with these words, "Well, she was 60 ..."

That has been my ax to grind with ovarian cancer all along. People rally behind breast cancer. It's young, it's hip, it's perky. Ovarian cancer is an old woman's disease. It's like, sorry, but you were washed up anyway. Only when it strikes the young does anybody start to care. But if that's what it takes, I'll take it! Sarah and other young ovarian cancer survivors have made a difference, and I'm grateful.

The disease used to be practically unmentionable. I don't know if it's because it seems so intimate and female (the word ovaries can clear a room) or if it's fear the disease is spread by word of mouth. Ovarian cancer is not as common as breast cancer, but it is far more lethal. Most people consider it a death sentence. The following celebrities died of ovarian cancer:

• Gilda Radner
• Madeline Kahn
• Jessica Tandy
• Loretta Young
• Shari Lewis
• Sandy Dennis
• Coretta Scott King
• Laura Nyro
• Liz Tilberis

Most of our spokewomen are dead, but never forget there are long-term survivors! Among the celebrity survivors is Kathy Bates, who has done her part to heighten awareness. I believe Kathy was diagnosed at Stage 1, which is the earliest stage and statistically the most survivable. The Carcinista was Stage 3C, which is the same diagnosis I had 12 years ago. The Carcinista lived about five years with the disease. My death sentence was a false alarm.

I still get scared. I still fear its return. But whether it's gone for good or comes back to bite me is out of my control, so I practice letting go of the fear. Anybody can do this. Cancer experience not required. Anybody can practice letting go of the fear that keeps them from becoming all they were intended to be. Just listen to that reasoned inner voice (not the crazy one) that says try this or do that. What's the worst thing that can happen?

You can even mix plaids and stripes if you want to!