I started this blog to show that gray hair could be cool and also to publish my writing. I used to post some of my outfits from time to time because I thought I was a good role model for gray hair but pretty much gave it up for reasons that illustrate what a mental mess I am.
Someone asked me how I found time to shop, and I took this as a baby slam because presumably I wasn't out doing charity work in my spare time or catering to the needs of my family. Meanwhile, no one is asking Kendi of 14,000 followers how she finds time to shop. I think to myself that maybe this is a young person's game.
Several commented and were critical that I seemed to be buying expensive brands. I'm definitely not an elitist, but I'm not into layering everything from the thrift shop either. I like what I like, some of it is reasonably expensive, and I didn't want to justify my decisions. You might be thinking, why blog about it then? Exactly.
At the same time, I started to worry that people from work would find my little fashion forays a bit ridiculous. Somehow, this would come back to bite me. Posing for photos is weird, and I wonder if it comes across as narcissistic. The voices in the hallways of my head said, just buckle down and do your job. But less neurotic style bloggers Sally and Patti and many others seem to do just fine.
Hang on. We're almost done. I also worried that the blog would be about what I looked like -- good, bad and ugly -- and not about what I wrote. Since starting my Pinterest page, it has occurred to me that most people prefer pictures anyway. Maybe the blog is just the blog. No real purpose but a whimsical outlet where writing shows up or doesn't.
On top of all that, my style is evolving. It's not a sure thing, and aren't you supposed to have a clue when it comes to showing people what you are wearing? When I first went gray, I went a little middle-aged crazy. Fun outfits in bold patterns that I thought looked cute and flattered my body but didn't necessarily look professional. I started going for plain solids like the engineers wear, and I discovered what you knew all along. I'm not an engineer.
I like simpler. Less jewelry, fewer purchases, basic pieces that last forever. On the other hand, I'm beginning to think our gray hair demands a little excess. Maybe the point is that we shouldn't blend in.
Still musing on this conundrum, but I know this: I miss fun. Shouldn't there be joy in getting dressed? I'm always trying to figure out what I am supposed to wear not what pleases me. I realize that dressing for joy might not completely align with receiving a paycheck every week, but surely there's a middle ground?
All this to say that I'm not sure about my next steps. Will I post an outfit or not? I don't know, but I do know this. In life and in fashion, I am going to quit worrying about all the noise and let joy be my guide. Let the chips fall where they may.