Rock the Silver

Nude at work

I've been in a writing slump for various reasons, which I hope to articulate and share with you some day soon. In the meantime, I thought, what can I do that doesn't involve writing? I was looking for something safe and benign, perhaps pictures of my cat? But safe and benign never seem to go where I go.

If you have been reading awhile, you know I struggle with photography in general and pictures of me specifically. Several readers have encouraged me to post more images of myself. I mean, this is a blog that discusses the quest to try and look cool through aging and gray hair. It would seem like I might offer up some proof now and again.

The reasons for my bashfulness range from delicate self-esteem to worrying about whether it's appropriate for a business professional to do the patented blogger's pose on the interwebs. But I like to think this strange mental place I've been in lately is part of a journey I'm supposed to be on. And my gut is telling me to get over all my anxieties and do whatever I want.

And right now, I want to show you how I wore nude fishnets to work. I refuse to wear pantyhose and usually go with tights in the winter and bare legs in the summer. But recently it occurred to me that I might need an option that offers a little more polish.

These are Oroblu fishnet tights in "Sable." I bought them at Nordstrom. They are about $20 a pop, but so far I've worn the same pair five times without any signs of damage. And they are really, really comfortable. I like that they add a bit of warmth for the frosty air conditioning in the office, and they also disguise darks spots and other imperfections on the legs. If you click on the image, it will enlarge, and you can see the mesh in greater detail.

I used my husband's camera, which is nearly identical to mine but works better. We actually conducted tests, and he agrees mine is effed up. Here's my promise. If I actually succeed in posting 10 pictures of myself, I will buy a new camera and learn to use it.

Backwards and in Easy Spirits

No surprise, but I did not buy a multithousand dollar statement handbag as a gift to myself upon getting promoted. I bought this quite beautiful Harveys bag instead. All Harveys products are made in the USA out of seatbelts! I think it's very me, very much my personal style. It's a roomy satchel that's not too big and hangs nicely from my shoulder. Regularly priced $278, but it is on sale now at Zappos for $195. There's a smaller one, too. The quality is excellent, and I love the silver nickel hardware instead of gold. Cause we all know silver rocks.

Thank you for the kind words when I announced I had blogger's block. I typically reply to comments, but I have been so busy at work and sick on top of it and left the comments on idle. I'm proud to say it was my second full week on the job, and I was barely breathing, but I pulled it off anyway.

As Ann Richards said in her keynote address at the 1988 Democratic National Convention, "If you give us a chance, we can perform. After all, Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels."

In my case, it would be backwards and in Easy Spirits. Not as glam, but I had to make special accommodations for my lingering sports injury. The Easy Spirits look like flight attendant shoes. I like them, but I hope to be back in sassier shoes soon. And that leads me to my get off the stage comments, which will feature an update on my bad knees.

Here is the executive summary. I used to be a competitive racewalker. In May 2010 I went to a racewalking clinic and hurt my knees badly. Ongoing pain and swelling has dramatically curtailed my exercise, even my ability to move around or sleep without pain. Months of physical therapy helped some, but nothing made it go away completely. Even the physical therapist gave up -- he said I needed to adjust my expectations.

Two MRIs show my knees are 100 percent normal -- not even any signs of arthritis. Yay! The doctor finally said the only thing left to do is an exploratory arthroscopy. I was within a week of having the surgery, when I was talking to a young woman at work who played Lacrosse in college and has had multiple surgeries on her knees and still has problems. She said you don't want to get them cut on unless you've exhausted all your other options.

I went to a sports injury rehab clinic, and the first thing he said is that pain lies. It's not usually where you think it is, and it usually starts at the top and moves down. He said the biggest problem I had was my back, which was referring pain to my knees. My back never hurt! He gave me back stretches, and 60 percent of my pain was gone in two days. The knee pain didn't completely go away, and he is using a variety of sports rehab techniques such as ART to break up the scar tissue in my knees and dry needling to loosen up the muscle knots in my quads.

I'm the best I've been since I first hurt them and am exercising 30 minutes a day with no pain. Slowly building up to more but not doing anything dumb. I hate to play the gender-age card, but some of the so-called professionals I consulted with wrote me off because I'm a middle-aged woman, and hey, isn't knee pain normal for you gals? I kept telling them it was an injury not a gradual decline, but they couldn't accept me as an athlete. Just a gray-haired lady with bum knees.

My point today is about listening to your body and never giving up. That saved me with cancer, and it looks like it's going to return me to a more active life without knee pain and without surgery.

A weekend with jeggings

You are no doubt aware that I hate posting pictures of myself, but I knew you would not believe me if I said I felt great wearing skinny jeans that are more like denim leggings and then didn't cough up the evidence. Granted, it's a crappy photo, but if you squint, you can see that I am wearing what some people call jeggings.

The fashion police have again pronounced that women over 40 should generally steer clear of skinnies. This is nonsense. I mean, I'm not cruising Forever 21, but I believe there's a way to own this look regardless of age or size. Check out Debbi at She Accessorizes Well.

Despite the propaganda, it turns out you don't have to wear high heels, and you don't have to hide your butt! I tried on tunics and all that, but they just made me look like a shapeless blob. I don't hate my body, and I don't think I should have to disguise it because someone else thinks I'm too old or too curvy. I did try to balance a looser top with the more fitted bottom.

I wanted casual kick around jeans that were comfortable but not baggy -- and I found them in Not Your Daughter's Jeans. I'm wearing the Alena Legging in lightweight denim. They fit more like jeans than leggings -- all the pockets are real pockets, and they're a little slimmer at the ankle opening than the other NYDJ skinny jeans. They are higher in the waist and cover everything that needs to be covered. I had to go down two sizes. It's ridiculous vanity sizing, but who cares? Just be careful and go as small as you can go when you are shopping. They are stretchy and comfortable and made in the USA!

Obviously, I will not be the poster girl for jegging couture, but I wasn't looking to make a bold fashion statement. I just wanted a somewhat stylish uniform for Texas winter weekends, so I bought a couple of flannel shirts at Target and added my old black Minnetonka moccasins. These jeans also look great tucked into boots.

I might be delusional, but I like this outfit. Not exactly ready for the fashion blogs, but I don't look ridiculous, either. That was my target, by the way ... low levels of ridiculous. I encourage you to ignore the so-called rules and the noise, and dress how you please. You can totally rock the skinnies if you want to.

The perfect trench

To celebrate getting promoted, Stylish Young Co-worker and another colleague suggested I buy myself a luxury item such as a killer handbag, diamond earrings or some other form of statuswear. I just can't justify spending big bucks on a purse, but damn, isn't this a thing of beauty?

The handbag is from The Row, which is the line developed by the Olsen twins. It's only $3,200! Even SYC said it's the kind of bag you notice before you even look at the person. Don't need it, don't want it, but I admire its perfection and the fact that it is made the the USA. I'm not a fanatic, but I do try to buy American whenever possible.

Then I thought about a perfect trench, a Burberry? Not American but rich with history and tradition. I figured once I was ready to throw some money at it, they would magically appear. Not quite. Finding a classic knee-length cotton poplin trench is not easy! The coats I viewed online are styled differently or short and shown with jeans. It's funny how you never see women in business suits modeling anything. Everyone is young and lives in jeans.

The other problem is that many Burberry coats aren't even made in England. I mean, you buy something like that partly for its iconic value, and then you find out it's made in China. I'm sure if I looked long enough I could get what I want, and it might actually be made in England, but I found a better solution.

I looked in my closet and discovered my old London Fog trench. It's close to 20 years old and looks new. It's a classic color and style, and it's made in the USA. The only problem is that it features oversized shoulder pads, and it's kind of long. I took it to my wonderful tailor today and for $62.75, I will have a new coat! He took out the shoulder pads and will taper the arms. He'll also bring up the hem to just below the knee.

Andrew, the tailor, said it's a great coat, and it will look even better when he gets done with it. He laughed about the shoulder pads. He said they used to do that to make women look tough. I said, oh no, you better put them back in! I just got a new job, and I will need to look tough. He said, no, dear, you just need to be tough.

Mid-life job interview

One tiresome tale I hear all the time about gray hair is that it will ruin your career. Last week I interviewed for two jobs, and the only person who thought about my hair was me.

The jobs are with the company I currently work for, so it's not anything I need to keep secret. Another advantage of interviewing with your current employer is that they already know you. They know your work, your reputation. And they know what you look like. In my case, they were not expecting Career Barbie. It's always good to meet expectations.

I did worry a bit about whether I should wear my hair up or down. There are people out there who don't like long hair on middle-aged women, and they really don't like long gray hair on anyone walking upright. I played around with it some and decided to wear it down. My french twist looks good from the back, but I haven't quite mastered the full frontal updo. It can look severe, and hair down made me feel approachable.

What to wear? I was flying for both interviews with no stop home in between, so that made it trickier. I only bought two new items -- an ivory silk blouse to go under my jacket and some black 50 denier tights. I hate pantyhose, so I felt my only choices were tights or pants. Since I was traveling, I wore wrinkle-free St. John Knits. They are expensive, but they are figure flattering and last forever. I buy mine on eBay for a fraction of what you'd pay in a store.

My choice was black skirt, black tights and black flats. I wore the tweedy knit jacket zipped up with a contrasting tank peeking out for interview #1, and I wore the same outfit with the silk blouse under it and the jacket open for interview #2. I felt professional, comfortable and confident, and I can only hope that was reflected during the interviews. I did not break out in hives or sweat profusely -- which is always a plus.

As I look back on the week, I'm glad I put myself out there. I'm not a braggy person, but a job interview is no time to be modest. I wanted to come across as confident but not arrogant, and I believe I accomplished that. It was self-affirming to focus on what I bring to the table and present myself as a serious and competitive candidate. We may be mid-life, but to borrow from Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, there's no need to leave before we leave.

I gave it my best. I may or may not get an offer, but it was still a great experience no matter what. If you've been afraid to go out and interview for jobs because you think you're too old or too gray or too anything, I encourage you to reconsider. Packaging your experiences for an audience will help you see yourself in a new light.

No to the dress

A fashion retailer contacted me recently to inquire about the possibility of me doing what is commonly referred to as a "sponsored post." The idea is that I would choose some dresses I like, write about them any way I like and link prolifically back to the retailer's site throughout the post. I would be open and transparent that I was compensated in some way for this service.

I asked if anyone would be offended by such brazen commercialism and most said no. And as Lynne at Any Shiny Thing wrote, at least they didn't ask to secretly embed ads for adult diapers. A little money would be exchanged for my efforts and the use of space to promote their products on my blog, and there is some sense of comfort in being recognized as fashionably relevant. I said yes to the dress.

But something was rumbling around in my brain about saying no to the dough. I had to dig deep and think about big stuff like, why am I here? Not just why am I here in the blogosphere, but why am I here on the planet?

My conclusion was that I am not on the blogosphere or the planet to market other people's stuff. I don't have a problem with bloggers doing just that -- everyone decides what's best for them -- but I traded in a big chunk of my independence in order to earn a living, and I relish my little Klondike claim of a blog beholden to no one.

While I write about fashion and style from time to time, and I share my attempts occasionally, I'm no expert, so it seemed particularly disingenuous for me to peddle dresses. I can totally see someone else doing it with authenticity and class, and I love those sites because they offer something I don't have. I'm only an expert at what I translate from my head and put on paper and am not at all troubled by cashing in on that.

I can see it now. Donna Pekar, word whore.

The truth is I'm not quite sure what I am doing or where I am going. Sometimes I don't know what I think until I write about it and engage in interesting follow-on discussions with brilliant readers. I can't say that I won't change my mind some day, but right now it seems to me that if I ever make money blogging, it is likely to be through writing, speaking or developing my own products and services. So I said no to the dress.

This was not a sponsored post.

The half tuck has risen!

I was browsing the J. Crew website yesterday and was surprised to see the half tuck has risen. Maybe it never completely disappeared, but I thought the half tuck went the way of white flops, which Stylish Young Co-worker and Rock the Silver readers voted uncool in August of 2009. I'm still proud of my rebuttal to SYC.

Perhaps you will be surprised to learn that I am a fan of the half tuck. I never gave it up, even when the pressure to tuck or untuck was intense. The half tuck showcases a cool belt and a reasonably flat stomach. The sides and back are free-flowing to cover any muffin-like bits that are trying to escape. I would not sport this style for work, where it would come across as sloppy. However, I most certainly wear my weekend tees in some semblence of a half tuck.

That said, I suspect half tucks are somewhat controversial as a fashion statement. Break it to me gently.

Beware the magnifying mirror

The most dangerous tool in the house is our bathroom magnifying mirror. When we first got it, I looked inside my mouth and saw all these little white bumps on the back of my tongue! I was certain I had rare tongue tumors, and my days were sadly limited. It turns out everybody's days are sadly limited, but the bumps are just part of your tongue.

Then I got to work on my eyebrows. The second most dangerous tool in the house would be tweezers. I won't go into the gory details, but let's just say I tweezed like a lumberjack and spent way too much time in front of the magnifying mirror digging for stumps.

I am a hypochondriac by nature. As I have said many times, it's a good thing, because one time when I made up a bunch of symptoms in my head, it turned out to be cancer. They believe me now! The rest of the time it is just my neurotic imagination.

My eyebrows looked strangely thin. A rare wasting disease, perhaps. Hormonal fractivity. Explosive endrocrine failure. You know, I'm not a doctor, but I play one on the internet. I Googled thin eyebrows, and it was either aging or hypothyroidism. I was banking on team hypo.

Was that the doctor rolling his eyes when I mentioned my thyroid might be whacked? He kindly played along, but all my tests came back exceedingly normal. Still, there was harsh news. It turns out I am aging.

But I've been helping along the process by over-tweezing -- the number one cause of thin eyebrows. So, I quit tweezing my eyebrows for awhile and what do you know? They started to fill in. They are practically Brooke Shieldsy these days. A little pencil, and they look mahvelous.

Lessons learned. Beware the magnifying mirror. Tweeze with great restraint. Your thyroid is probably fine.

Livin' the anti-aging lifestyle

Braids are all the rage. Love braids, but my hair and my hands have to be in the right mood. I played around today trying for something exotic and braidy but failed miserably. This double pony emerged from the braid graveyard, and it turned out to be a pretty good fix for weekend hair.

Cruising around the internet today, I found this article about the biggest beauty blunders by post-50 women. It's probably all true, but #4, not starting a retinol product soon enough, left me feeling sad and weary. It's not that I'm super-excited about wrinkles, and a bit of Vitamin A seems like an easy fix, but then I see myself tumbling down the slippery slope of lost causes.

Wrinkles or no wrinkles, aging will happen anyway if we're lucky. Do I want to spend quality time sifting through a minefield of expensive products that might shave off a few years? Wouldn't I rather be doing something fun? When it comes to anti-aging advice, part of me says go for it, and part of me says go to hell.

Please don't get me wrong. I do want to look my best, and I'm not giving up. After all, I started this blog partly to engage in a discussion of how to look good with gray hair. But I don't want to be a slave to beauty, and I'm not into livin' the anti-aging lifestyle.

And as far as hair goes, I've almost come full circle. Gray hair is one color among many, and I'm not sure we need to start with the assumption that we have something to overcome. Sometimes we need a little inspiration, but we don't need validation to be who we already are.

My mid-year style makeover

Here's a sneak preview of my new hipster look. I say sneak preview because I really need to sit in front of a real camera instead of my computer for an image that actually has crispness and clarity. This will do for now.

So.

Short bangs are obviously not to everyone's taste. I love them and am so happy I made the leap! I missed a little of the hip factor I had when my hair was short, so I thought an edgier bang would suit my personality. When I look at this image, I think, yes, that's how I feel on the inside. That's me. Totally rocking the silver!

The bangs got chopped first. I didn't go back to the place that annoyed me -- I popped into a trendy salon, and a young woman dressed in leather cut them for free. I felt no judgment or attitude. She was like, oh, fun, cool! My kind of gal.

Then I went shopping for new glasses. Bangs and glasses have been tough for me to figure out, but options opened up when I went shorter. Even older pairs look better on me now. These are by Paul Smith, and they are my favorite so far. I only regret the money I spent trying to get to this place. At least I have a few different styles of frames when I feel like changing it up.

Now that I'm in this new place, I have to say it feels pretty good. Personal style is such a journey. If I've learned anything, I've learned to trust my instincts. I looked at pictures for months, and hardly anyone has short bangs. Especially older women. I almost didn't do it because who wants to be the only one?

My gut said go for it. You only have to please yourself. And pleased I am. What I really like about this haircut is that it is obvious I didn't just wake up one day with gray hair and say, oh shit, I give up. This haircut says I made a choice, and I have confidence in my choice.